What does God say about Parenting? (part 2)

This blog entry is based on a sermon I recently preached at Geist Community Church - The nature of the message was very philosophical, as opposed to practical. If you would like further practical advise on parenting I recommend the following books:

Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof

Grace-Based Parenting: by Tim Kimmel - (still very philosophical)

1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents: by Thomas W. Phelan and Chris Webb



While the Bible clearly gives parents direct and indirect guidance raising children there are also a few things we need to avoid. (interestingly enough, both New Testament passages mentioned earlier tell us what to avoid)


AVOID:

(1) “provoking to anger”

How we respond to and talk with our children can easily provoke them to anger. They are kids, but they are still little humans created in the image of God.  Children are also, before coming to Christ, sinful, depraved "little humans" that desperately need a model of grace in their lives.

Far to many people view God as some tyrannical dictator because that is how their dad or parents treated them.

God is our “Father in heaven." Jesus said, we are to pray to “our Father in heaven.” Yet, far too many people get hung up on that concept because their earthly dad gave them a horrible image of God’s nature.  Their earthly dad provoked them to anger in everything!

God does not provoke us to anger?? He is gracious, compassionate, merciful with his children


(2) “hypocritical actions”

One of the main reasons so many young people leave the church is they see hypocritical actions, primarily in their own parents.  Make sure your kids understand you are going to fail them.   You should never be your child’s hero.  You’re going to fail them again and again. God will NOT.  Point them to God and be willing to confess your own hypocritical actions.


(3) “biblical labels” on certain methods of parenting

Many methods that are passed off as “biblical” are really cultural or done only because “that’s what mom & dad did with me and I ‘turned out ok.’”

If you’re going to call something “biblical” you better be sure it is.  Just because it was written by a “Christian” organization or a well-known Christian author, doesn’t make it biblical!


(4) “Avoid being a legalist”

2 things I want to say about this:

     (1) Don’t scare your kids into obeying a list.

Some churches and parents have done an absolutely abysmal job teaching kids about obedience and sin.  They explain that we better not sin because "God will be waiting for us when we get to heaven."  Sure, they will get to Heaven because they have trusted in Christ, "but if you don't listen to mom & dad then God’s going to have some wrath reserved for you!" The "threat" then is: you better listen to mom and dad and you better not sin or God will be waiting for you!!

Wrong!  Jesus took all of God’s wrath destined for you and me when He died on the cross. (Romans 8:1)  If you receive even a fraction of God’s wrath you’re in trouble!  As a believer, your destiny for eternity is with Him in the new heaven and new earth.  Instead, what we ought to be teaching our kids , and reminding each other of, is that when you trust in Jesus ALL is forgiven.  We must reinforce that truth with our kids.

As a child it was drilled into my head through the teaching of different local churches that drinking alcohol was such a "bad" sin that I thought if I drank even one sip of alcohol I would be condemned to hell forever.  I even remember having nightmares that someone tricked me into drinking a sip of alcohol and awoke in a panic because I thought I was going to hell.

That is legalism!  It is WRONG!

     (2) Parenting is NOT about a list of "dos" and "don’ts".

Isaiah chapter one is the perfect example of how obedience isn't what it's all about.  Yes, we ought to pursue obedience, but our justification before God is not based on our obedience to Him.  In Isaiah one God is a perfect parent and his children still rebelled. What was Israel’s problem? Their heart! They went through the motions. They did every task they were supposed to do. Yet, it was all in vain because their heart wasn’t in it!


As I wrap this up, let me give you two truly "biblical" keys to parenting:

(1) Pursue the heart!

This is straight out of Isaiah 1.  We must pursue peoples' hearts.  We must aggressively pursue our children’s hearts.

One of the key themes in the Gospel of Mark is the hard hearts of the disciples.  We must avoid hard hearts at all costs! We must avoid hardening our children’s hearts at all costs!

We pursue the heart!!! By focusing on the inward, not on the outward.  You can easily create a bunch of "rule following" legalists, but if their heart is not transformed it doesn't matter.


(2) Create the Norm!

Everything we teach our kids will be normal to them! Think about that for a moment! Everything will be the norm.  I was raised putting maple syrup on my cottage cheese. I thought it was normal. (It's really doesn't taste that bad!)

What happens every day in your home defines what normal is for your family! It may be normal for you to eat a hamburger every Friday night. It might be normal for you to get ice cream every Tuesday after school. It might be normal for your family to have a game night each week; where you shut off the TV and play a family game. Parents determine what’s normal for their homes by the patterns they establish! If you get up every morning and run around your house three times yelling at the top of your lungs, your kids will think it’s normal!

Is God the normal part of your family life or do you treat God like fancy china in a special cabinet? You know, the dishes that only come out when the governor, boss, or friend-that-we-don’t-really-like-that-we-are-trying-to-impress comes over. When those dishes come out everyone, especially mom, is a little on edge. You suddenly forget how to handle a plate or a cup without fear of breaking it.  You don’t know how to handle it. You don’t know if it should go in the dishwasher or not. (always choose "not")

Some of you treat your faith, and even God, like the fine china. Oh, God is important, but we don’t bring Him up much in the daily patterns of life.

Some of you grew up in a home where going to church was not the norm.  For some of you going to church was the norm, but it was just a once a week deal and like the fine china, God didn't see much time in your normal family life.

Worshiping God is an attitude of the heart; not a special event set aside for a specific time once a week or even once a day.





Every parent will leave a personal legacy. What legacy are you leaving your children? What legacy are you leaving with your co-workers?

We become so preoccupied and focused on making sure our kids have a good education so they can get a "good" job that we forget what’s most important.  NOTHING matters at the end of your child’s life – NOTHING – EXCEPT whether or not they know God and have been reconciled to Him through His Son, Jesus.

The most important thing for your children is that they have an authentic relationship with God through Jesus Christ! In the end, all that matters is Christ!