Some of the most exciting, fun, challenging, hilarious and painful experiences of life come with the responsibility of parenting. I remember vividly the first time that I held both of my children…it’s amazing! Then you go home from the hospital with that little bundle and you wonder: now what do we do? Thankfully God has given us our own parents from which to learn from. He has also given us friends to call in a panic who have gone before us in their own parenting journey. Most importantly, God has given us His Word to guide us in raising the precious gifts that He entrusts to our care.
Based on the importance of the parent child relationship, you would think that a large portion of the Bible would offer direct guidance to parents. Surprisingly, there are two whole verses in the entire New Testament that directly address parents regarding raising their children.
Colossians 3:21 - “Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged.”
Fathers, (the Greek word does leave the door open for "parents," so moms aren't completely off the hook) you must be very careful how you interact with your children. They need your support. They need your care. They need your love! If all you do is speak negatively into their lives they will become discouraged or perhaps even angry, which is what the only other verse giving direct guidance to parents in the New Testament mentions.
Ephesians 6:4 - “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
That’s all the guidance that the New Testament directly gives to parents and the Old Testament doesn’t provide much more help. Only two books (out of the 39) offer direct guidance for parents. There are a few passages in the book of Deuteronomy (4:9-10, 6:6-9, 11:18-19) and several verses sprinkled throughout the book of Proverbs.
Proverbs is wonderful, but the difficulty with the book of Proverbs is that it is “proverbial.” It is a collection of general principles; many of them hidden inside of complex metaphors, similes and other colorful language. Each proverb must be carefully interpreted and correctly understood; lest it be applied in gross error.
Likewise, since the Proverbs are principles and not promises we must avoid claiming them as such. A perfect example is Proverbs 22:6 - “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." It is a principle that is often claimed as a promise. Yet, we all know of situations where two children were raised identically and one of them follows God while the other does not. Is the proverb wrong? No. It's not a promise and here's how we know:
In Isaiah chapter one God refers to the nation of Israel as his children. God said in Isaiah 1:2, “I raised children, I brought them up, but they have rebelled against me!” (NET)
Is God a bad parent? Of course not! He is the perfect parent, yet His children rebelled. The implication: You can do everything perfectly and children can still rebel.
Given the fact that no human has more potential to influence a child than his or her parent it’s rather shocking that the Bible doesn’t give more direct guidance to parents. However, as you study the Bible you begin to realize the entire Bible gives parents INDIRECT guidance on raising their children.
What do I mean by indirect guidance? Well, let’s go back to a couple of the verses I just mentioned.
The end of Ephesians 6:4 says, Fathers, or parents, are to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Parents, you are to provide for physical and spiritual needs of your children You are to "bring them up," raise them by training and instructing them regarding the Lord. The center of the parent-child relationship and all of the teaching and learning is God.
So, how does the Bible give us indirect guidance regarding parenting? The first way is that the Bible teaches us about God! The Bible is ALL about GOD and His Son, Jesus, the God-man. People today often feel as though the Bible is primarily about us, humans. The Bible is not about us; it’s about God.
When God is the center of the parent-child relationship, or any other relationship, we reveal His glory among creation. The reason God put us here on earth is to reveal His glory. (cf. Isaiah 43:7) Every relationship is an opportunity and responsibility to correctly reveal the glory of God. In the parent child-relationship the responsibility is magnified!
The second way the Bible provides us indirect guidance in parenting is by revealing how God’s parents us. We, as believers, are God’s children, just as the nation of Israel was in the Old Testament. God parents us, so we need to understand who God is and observe how he treats us!
Two things we must do as parents….
(1) Teach your children about God
You are your child’s primary spiritual leader! You, as a parent, need to teach them the Bible, which means you need to know and study the Bible. It’s not the church’s job to teach your children the Bible. (churches have them for one or two hours a week and you have them all the rest!)
Teaching them about God by teaching them the Bible is just one way to teach them. Parents also need to teach their children about God by showing them who God really is.
Joiner and Nieuwhof wrote, “your role is not to impress your children or anyone else with your ability to parent; your role is to impress your children with the love and nature of God.”
How do parents know about the love and nature of God? Yet again, as parents we must study the Bible! As you study the Bible and learn about God’s nature you can better reflect Him to your children.
A good place to begin is the book of Exodus. In the book of Exodus God used Moses to lead the nation of Israel (God’s children) out of slavery in Egypt. God led them to Mt. Sinai where they camped and Moses went up on the mountain. At the top of the mountain God gave Moses the 10 commands on tablets of stone. While Moses was gone things got a little messy with God’s children. They actually formed a golden calf and began to worship the idol. Long story short, Moses returned to the mountain top with 2 new tablets, since he threw the first two down and broke them a the sight of the great sin in the Israelite camp. When he returned to the mountain top and God descended once again here is what God said: “the LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” (Exodus 34:6)
How does God, as a parent, treat his children? He is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. That is the God we are to proclaim in word and deed in every relationship we have! And when we do, we proclaim God’s glory among creation!
When we treat our children in a merciful, gracious way, with great compassion; we teach them correctly about God!
We reveal the glory of God when we are slow to anger as we respond and talk to our children!
When your kids cry and whine – as the Israelites did; when they talk back and argue – as the Israelites did; when they’re tired, when their frustrated - as the Israelites were... your response, whether you like it or not, teaches them about God. It reveals God to them!
God treats his children with grace, mercy, compassion, steadfast (loyal) love. What view of God are your words and actions forming in the mind of your child?
We must teach our children correctly about God but once they begin to understand who God is they also need to be keenly aware of the fact that they can communicate with God.
(2) Teach your children to talk with God
We are to teach our kids how to pray like the two little boys who were staying with their grandparents and had obviously been taught to pray by their parents. While kneeling to say their bedtime prayers the smallest boy began yelling his prayer at the top of his lungs:
"DEAR GOD, FOR CHRISTMAS I WOULD LIKE A IPAD, AN XBOX CONNECT, A SCOOTER, NEW VIDEO GAMES...”
His brother interrupted him, "Why are you yelling? God can hear you; He is not deaf." The younger brother replied, "I know God is not deaf, but grandma is..."
Our kids must understand that God hears our prayers! And once again, we must not only teach them, but we must model for them.
[view part 2 here]
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This blog entry is based on a sermon I preached during the summer of 2012 at Geist Community Church. The nature of the message was very philosophical, as opposed to
practical. If you would like further practical advise on parenting I
recommend the following books:
Parenting Beyond Your Capacity: by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof
Grace-Based Parenting: by Tim Kimmel - (still very philosophical)
1-2-3 Magic for Christian Parents: by Thomas W. Phelan and Chris Webb
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